7 Steps on How to Save a Relationship

Adam works lengthy hours and Lisa doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Lisa spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Adam feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?  Can this relationship be saved?  Should it be saved?  Here’s how to save a relationship.

First, you must make a decision whether the relationship is worth saving.  While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must choose that to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there isn’t much that can be done.

Countless people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children.  But that is not sufficient.  How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.

After that, you must identify the problem or problems in a relationship.  One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself. 

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.  In truth, the affair is a indicator of a deeper problem.  For example, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the original relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could appear because you haven’t addressed the core issue.

When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship. 

Once you have pin-pointed the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a indication that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.  When your partner talks about things that hurt you keep in mind that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you.   Instead it’s because they want to improve the relationship.

Once you have located the problems in your relationship, form an action plan to solve them.  Then, take concrete steps on your action plan.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.  Take turns coming up with unique ways to spend an evening together each Thursday.  If communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should recognize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.  You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back.  There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward.  Be quick to apologize and slow to blame. 

Is your relationship worth saving?